My tiny bleed

A lot of people love a good roller coaster ride.  That thrill of seeing it from a distance and then finally getting that seat.  The clickaty-clack of the chain pulling you to the top of that first hill – you are so excited, but you know you are going to scream when that ride makes the first drop!  The thrills of the wind whipping your hair around as you go around the turns and over the hills!  Then the final stop when the ride is over, you are still so excited, but a little nervous at the same time.  And you consider going on that ride again!

Now replace that roller coaster with your life; the thrill of seeing your life from a distance and how you plan on it going and how you plan on getting there.  The way you feel as you achieve those dreams and goals from your very first steps until your very last!  The thrills of laughter and joy along with sorrow and heartache – all things that you will find during your lifetime.  Then the final stop when the ride is over, did you live it the way you planned or did you let each day slip past you as you waited on “tomorrow”?

Philippians 4:6 – "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God..." 

Were you anxious to reach your goals or did you give thanks when you achieved them?  I think that sometimes we do and sometimes we don’t give thanks.  Today I plan on giving God thanksgiving!  I was told on January 14th that I have had a tiny bleed from my cavernous malformation.  When I first heard this news it is strange to say that I was thankful, thankful because a feeling I had felt and been told “no” about was confirmed.  I am still thankful that I have been told this news, because something cannot be prayed for if it is not known.

Philippians 4:13 – "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

This is the part that I am now going to lean on!  I CAN do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens ME!!  Why me?  Why does God care if I can do all things?  Because I am HIS child and he loves all of his children.  God does not plan on us to suffer, but sometimes we do and we have a choice to make at that time.  I have said for years that I do have a choice when things go bad – “I can laugh or I can cry.  Neither one is going to fix my problem, but laughing sure does feel better!!”

Even with my tiny bleed, even if things change in ways that I do not like, even if things improve and I am made whole again I CAN do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens ME!  And he CAN strengthen YOU too!!

I want to give you a little information on a bleed and why this is a concern for me – this information is copied from www.angiomaalliance.com (the information in parenthesis is information I have been told by my doctors):

Receiving a CCM diagnosis upon experiencing symptoms is not a death sentence. The majority of lesions don't bleed and the ones that do normally don't explode like bombs. They may leak slowly, but this leakage can be enough to cause symptoms in the tight confines of the brain. There simply isn't enough room to accommodate foreign material such as excess blood. The result is compression or destruction of fragile nerve cells, resulting in the manifested symptoms.

The impact of a hemorrhage depends on its location in the brain (my main lesion is in my brainstem, but I have too many to count throughout the rest of my brain).  Those harboring brainstem lesions normally suffer multiple and diverse symptoms; “focal neurological deficits” ranging from double vision, nausea, balance problems, swallowing inability, and respiration difficultly among others.

Surgery is normally considered for those patients who have had more than one bleed (once you have a bleed you are more likely to have another bleed) in conjunction with worsening symptoms. Lesions such as these are normally considered “aggressive” and need to be removed, assuming the lesion is surgically accessible. While recovery from a hemorrhagic event normally occurs, many times a full recovery is not made. Each hemorrhage brings with it additional symptoms which may not resolve.

I hope this helps answer some of the questions as to why a bleed is such a concern.  Please always feel free to ask me any and all questions!