Friday, March 13, 2015

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Junk

I’m so worthless!
I’m fat!
My clothes aren’t in style!
I’m so ugly!
My teeth aren’t white!
I have big feet!
I’m junk!!


I have been thinking about New Year’s resolutions the past week and how people use this as a time to really put themselves down.  Instead of building themselves up, it’s the total opposite!  Well, I have news for you – GOD DON’T MAKE NO JUNK!!!!
I don’t have many friends! 

Jeremiah 1:5 (NIV)

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew[a] you,
    before you were born I set you apart;
    I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

What difference does it make if you have hundreds of friends when God has been your friend since you were in the womb?  He will be there for you ALWAYS!

I have stringy hair!  I’m balding! My hair is to curly/straight!

Luke 12:7 (NIV)

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

God does not care what your hair is like – they are numbered.  Can any of your friends say they know you that well?  You are worth so much to God!
I’m junk!

John 3:16 (NIV)

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,
that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

GOD DON’T MAKE NO JUNK.  Each and every person is special to Him.  He sent His only son to live with us on earth.  Jesus – God’s son – lived a perfect life – never doing wrong.  The people hated Jesus because He told them they were doing wrong and He taught about God and having an eternal life with God.  That eternal life is still here for us.  All we have to do is have FAITH.  FAITH that Jesus IS God’s one and only son!  FAITH that Jesus came to earth to live a perfect life.  FAITH that Jesus died on a cross for your sins.  FAITH that Jesus rose from the grave three days later.  Some ask how you can believe in something you can’t see.  I believe I breath air and I can’t see it and I completely believe in God because of my FAITH!

If you believe that Jesus died to save you please say this prayer and join a local church:

Lord Jesus I know I am a sinner.
I believe you died for me on the cross so that I might be saved. Right now I ask You to forgive me of all my sins. I open my heart to You.

Come into my heart Lord Jesus.
I take this very moment in my life to receive you as my Lord and Savior.

Thank you, Jesus, for forgiving all my sins, and giving me eternal life.

Let my life be dedicated to you Jesus, and help me to be the kind of person you want me to be.

Help me to decrease in myself and increase in you Jesus.

Amen!


(prayer from: http://www.hiskids.org/bible_study_tools/sinners_prayer.html)

Sunday, September 14, 2014

6 months!!

WOW!!!!  I can’t believe it’s been six months since I had Damian removed.  He is gone – hopefully forever.  The week before my anniversary I learned, again, the hard lesson that it is not always forever as a Facebook friend found out hers is back.

As I was preparing to write this blog I was thinking about what to put in and leave out and this appeared in my inbox.  I thought it was a great place to start:

Psalm 39:7 (NLT)
And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you.

My hope has been in Him through all of this.  Through the  good and bad; through the pain; the stress; the confusion; all of the bumps; all of the joys; all of the hugs; all of the loss; all of everything!

I guess I should tell you where I am at:  my left side is still very weak; my hand has lost function and stays frequently in a fist; I still have drop foot and have to wear a brace to walk; daily headaches; lots of confusion; spacing out (told this is not seizures); TIA events; loss of balance; sensitivity to sound and extremely dizzy.

Now I have options- some days my favorite is to sit down and gripe about everything.  I do mean EVERYTHING!  You can imagine how much this helps; you got it, NOT one bit!  If anything it just stresses me out that much more.  This is a better option:

Psalm 98:4 (NLT)
Shout to the Lord, all the earth; break out in praise and sing for joy!

I have to remind myself sometimes to do this, but I think that is better than forgetting altogether.  I could get mad and say I’m going to walk away from God and do this on my own.  I could blame Him if I wanted.  But why - what did He do wrong?  He has shown me mercy, because it could be worse!!

Psalm 116:5 (NLT)
How kind the Lord is! How good He is! So merciful, this God of ours!

I want to be healthy again!  I want to sound like a southern girl again!  I want to crochet again!  I want to raise my left arm up shoulder height and then over my head!  I want to walk without a brace!  I am determined to walk a 5k in six more months! 

Where do you want to be in 6 months?  Do you want to be doing the exact same thing?  Do you want to start a new hobby?  Do you want to read that new book?  Do you want to lose weight?


What’s stopping you?  I have found many reasons to not do something.  I've even said I’m too busy to read a book – now that’s funny!  Let’s all band together to support – motivate – encourage – pray for one another.  


Friday, September 5, 2014

Job

I was scrolling through FB today and somebody wrote about Job and how he served God in the worst time of his life just like he did during the best.  That just really got me thinking . . . I wish I were more like Job!!

I am going through one of my toughest journeys in life, but I am not alone.

Deuteronomy 31:8 New King James Version (NKJV)

And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.” 

Through this journey I have met some awesome people.  Lisanne gives me hope, Donna gives me courage, Dad gives me love, Mike gives me strength, Sierra and Cheyenne give me friendship, and Crystal reminds me God is with me.  The list goes on, but I can’t list them all. 

God tested Job in so many ways – he lost everything – his family, his wealth and his health, BUT he stayed faithful to God.  Job did not curse Him, he worshiped Him.  Job did not turn his back on Him, he prayed to Him.  Job knew God was there with him and did not abandon him. 

I hope to be that faithful!!  I hope to stop getting angry and yelling and instead praise God for my health!  I hope to stop complaining and pray for my blessings!  I hope to stop being so self centered and lift up others to God!  I hope to be a better listener; listening to God and my friends.  

We will all go through hard times in life, but we get to choose how we will respond.  I have chosen very poorly at times!!  Instead of crumbling, getting angry at everything around us we could focus on the good things – people who love us, the beauty around us, laughter, and God!!


Saturday, August 23, 2014

Comfort Zone

I decided to come out of my comfort zone and show a video about a day in the life with Cavernous Malformations.  No matter where you are in life, God can and will still use you if you let Him!!


If the video does not play please go to YouTube at:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7XMmhmnEk4&feature=youtu.be


Tuesday, July 15, 2014

I am my hero!

I am running
the wind is blowing through my hair
my lungs are pumping
I feel exhilarated . . .

Then I wake up!

I lie in the bed
feeling hopeful
thinking of running
and longing to do so.

Then I sit up!
Running is in the past;
or at least for now.
Brain surgery
has slowed me down.

But NOT stopped me.

Each day is a new adventure.
A new set of hopes,
concerns,
and challenges.

It’s partially my choice,
my attitude,
my pain level,
but mainly my head.

Cavernous malformations;
a mind of their own.

Please be patient,
forgive when I can’t remember,
support me when I’m dizzy,
and be supportive each day.

Don’t rush me!

If you can’t support me
please leave me.
I won’t hold it against you
but I don’t need the stress.

I am my hero!

I am my motivator
I made it through today.
I’ll make it through tomorrow
and I’ll conquer the next!

Cavernous malformations
are all in my head;
today I did my best
now it’s time to rest!


               written by Erin W.


Monday, June 23, 2014

What you don’t see

I have been told numerous times how good I look.  I walk without my cane; for the most part, so I must be much better.  My speech has improved so I must be awesome!  Somebody asked me yesterday how I am and wanted the truth and not the generic “I’m fine”.  She then told me I should share to show where God has brought me to and where He continues to take me.

 

1 Peter 2:24 (NIV)

 “He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.”

Day to day life after surgery is different for everybody and even if you have an identical surgery things can be very different.  Here is my day to day life after having a craniotomy for cavernous malformations:

~  Nausea – I have medications for this, but there are some days it is horrible.  I am unsure if this has improved because the medication helps so much.
~ Ice pick headaches – off and on I get these headaches that feel like you have stabbed me in the head with an ice pick and a few seconds later pull it back out.  These headaches are extremely painful, but thankfully only last a short time.
~ Pressure headaches – these are different than the ice pick; with these it feels as if something is pressing against my head for an unlimited amount of time and not as severe as the ice pick.  These headaches can last for a couple of hours or an entire day.
~ Numbness – wow – this one is entertaining.  Around the surgery site it is still numb, but I’m getting some feeling.  At the edges of the numbness it is very painful.  The numb places will itch, but I can’t feel to scratch, so it drives me crazy.
~ Left side insanity – my left side hurts, is numb, shoots pain, feels weak, and is sensitive to the wind against my skin, and on and on.   This is the side that had been paralyzed briefly after the surgery.
~ Lump on back of head – it is not a literal lump, but that’s what it feels like.  I feel like I have something huge attached to the back of my head at the incision site.  It bothers me to lean my head against anything or to lie down at night.
~ Stiffness in arm and leg – My left arm and leg will become completely rigid, usually in my sleep.  The muscles are so tight that it hurts to the point the pain wakes me up.  Sometimes I wake Mike up if I hit him depending on how I’m laying.  I find this much funnier than he does.  Also, sometimes when I yawn or stretch it will make my arm and leg rigid.
~ Apraxia – this is newly diagnosed –
Apraxia is the inability to execute learned purposeful movements, despite having the desire and the physical capacity to perform the movements.  An example would be:  I want to reach out for something, but I can’t just do that.  I have to almost tell my body step by step – move shoulder, straighten elbow, open hand, etc.
~ Exhaustion – I started to write tired, but that’s not the correct word.  They told me in the hospital that I would be tired and need extra sleep and they were right.  Simple things like taking a shower are exhausting to me and I almost need a nap from that.  Even something like sitting in church is tiring and requires a nap.
~ Pain in head when laying down – when I lay the back of my head against anything it hurts.  I have to take pain medicine to sleep at night.
~ Forgetful – Mike added this one.  If I’m forgetful I don’t remember it!!
~ Freakish sound sensitivity – in my right ear my hearing for high pitched sounds is insane.  I heard a sound in Alabama that people kept saying I could not hear; but it was hurting my head.  Mike could hear it and then somebody else that had a stroke heard it and asked what that horrible sound is.  Maybe the strokes affected our hearing, but it made me feel better because I know what I heard and now somebody else did too.
~ Speech / tongue – my tongue is very weak and that is why my speech is messed up.  The right side of my tongue cannot hold the correct placement for my words to be correct.
~ Balance – My balance is still off and I still have some problems with dizziness.  I do not use my cane all the time, but I do take my rollator if I know there is a lot of walking. I stumble now even when standing still.
~ Confusion – when I am in a group with lots of different conversations or background noise I have a hard time concentrating.  I cannot play computer games and talk on the phone like I use to either.  Anything that requires me to focus on more than one thing is very difficult.  I will usually stop talking in these situations and just pretend to pay attention.
~ Weakness in left wrist and ankle – I sleep in a brace that supports my hand and goes to my elbow and wear a foot brace that supports my foot and goes to almost my knee.  When I take these braces off I feel very weak.  My wrist hurts to push a buggy (cart) around the store or to lean on it.  It is painful to get up and walk without the brace, but I have been told to not wear it all the time.
~ Missing things – I really hate this the most.  I miss things all the time and it makes me feel so unreliable.  I have had to miss things Mike and I really wanted to do because of any of the above things or a combination of things.

People have pressured me since 2009 when I was first diagnosed to have surgery.  I have said repeatedly the best thing to do is watch and wait because we don’t know what side effects surgery could cause. I am very blessed that things are as good as they are for me. 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NLT)
Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Since I decided to write this several people have asked me to.  I am not whining when I write this or asking for pity.  Our bodies are amazing and the way we heal is awesome!!  God has been with me through every step of this journey and placed some wonderful people to help me.  Even when I get upset and have small pity parties I know that God is with me and I start to praise Him again!!